CELEBRATE YOU! NAKEY NAKEY NAKED 10K!

So a few weeks ago I ran The Vitality 10,000... IN MY UNDERWEAR!

What. the. fuck. I hear you say! HAHA! Ok, so I guess it wasn't my ACTUAL underwear, that would be a mildly inappropriate what with my knickers 'resembling a piece of string' (once said by a friend at school!) but still, I ran in less clothing than I have ever worn in public before, and do you know what... IT FELT FABULOUS!

I know you're probably thinking I've totally lost the plot, but there was a very special reason for running in my underwear. As a number of you know I have found a love for journalism, writing, podcasts and all things body positive related. I spend a lot of time (probably far too much time) taking myself away from reality into my own little world of Instagram, books and my headphones. During this time I read and listen to incredible influencers, journalists, and people, learning and taking in information about all my favourite topics, and this is how I came across Bryony Gordon.

Bryony Gordon is a journalist for The Telegraph, and has published a whole host of BRILLIANT books! Her focus on mental health, body confidence, female empowerment, disastrous sex and love stories, alcohol, drugs and smoking antics, makes her my actual favourite human on the planet! Anyway, she has done some incredible things but the one which caught my eye the most was her 'CELEBRATE YOU' campaign. She set up this campaign with beautiful plus size model, Jada Sezer when they decided to run The London Marathon in their underwear. This was to show women and people everywhere that your body type does not define you. No one body type or size resembles a runner, everyone with a body has a runner's body. So in order to allow more women to become part of this movement, they decided to run a 10K (a more manageable distance) in their underwear too! and I thought, why the fuck not? how liberating to be part of something so unique and inspiring... so I signed up!

As most of my friends know, I am ALWAYS naked, most people appear to have started referring to me as 'the girl who doesn't wear trousers'... not sure if that's a good thing or not but hey ho! but, when it comes to being naked in front of people I don't know, or, god forbid, in front of a BOY! I turn into this pathetic, insecure, self loathing human being. I had a number of thoughts and fears about running in my underwear as I clicked 'sign up' on the website, but one thought was more prominent than the rest and meant I had no option but to suck it up and do it. That thought was surprisingly rather selfless, it wasn't about me, it reminded me I wasn't alone, I would be part of a movement, a group of incredible, strong, like minded individuals and that was more important than my own body insecurities.

The day of the 10K arrived and I was completely terrified, due to various reasons my anxiety is and was really bad that week, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up under my duvet and hide from the world. Sadly, staying in bed permanently watching back to back netflix is not healthy or beneficial for anyone. If you've been reading all my previous blog posts you will know I adore my Mummy, she is the best thing since sliced bread, mostly because she knows exactly what I need and exactly how I'm feeling before I even realize I do. So she dragged me to the start line of the vitality 10,000 (obviously not literally). She knew it would make me feel better, she knew how much I'd regret it if I didn't even try, and she drove me up to London right to the start line, and was waiting at the end as I crossed the finish line too!

When I got to the race village I relaxed a bit, it reminded me of The London Marathon, just slightly smaller! The excitement and nerves amongst runners before any event or race is something I will never get bored of and always makes me smile, it's completely amazing, the way a simple running race can connect a group of strangers, it's infectious. If you haven't ever run a race, I seriously urge you to try at least one! Anyway, I got lost... obviously... directions are not always my strong point, especially when my brain is preoccupied with bloody anxiety and all these nervous thoughts, but I managed somehow to find the CELEBRATE YOU tent! I turned up... late, to a sea of hundreds of bottoms! All different shapes and sizes, I actually looked like the weird one turning up fully clothed! I awkwardly took my leggings off, then my massive hoodie, then my t-shirt, until I looked like every other runner there, wearing just a sports bra, and a small pair of shorts (or a very large pair of knickers, I guess that depends on your perspective). We made our way to the bag drop together and everyone was so friendly and chatty. I'm not very good at interacting with groups or people I don't know at the moment, unless i'm around my family, or my closest best friends I feel incredibly on edge and exposed (in this case both figuratively and literally). Having said this, the girls surrounding me did a fantastic job of entertaining me, distracting me, and keeping everyone's spirits high!

We made our way to the start line, I felt slightly stressed and on edge, and a bit out of control in what I was doing which felt weird. I didn't have my phone on me for the first time ever, as my big knickers didn't have any pockets, and that stressed me! (God, bloody millennials can't go an hour without their iPhone!), I was running in a pair of old broken trainers as i'd been in such a state i'd left my gorgeous knew ones at home, and as always I added more stress for myself as i'm so bloody competitive with myself I had been arguing with both the idiots that sit on my shoulders as to whether I should take it easy and run it in one hour, or really push myself and go for a PB, honestly I really don't help myself do I?!

The start gun went for our group to start, I knew I was in a much slower category than I should be in, but all the CELEBRATE YOU girls were thrown together to create more of an impact! Everyone was so excited, except me, all that went through my head was 'the faster you run, the faster you finish'... I think that's probably why I got a PB.

I love running, I really really do! It takes me away from the world around me, it calms me down, it changes my mood and it makes me happy, but that's not to say every individual run makes me feel like that, and the Vitality 10K was no exception. I struggled every single step of the run. My limbs felt heavy, my head was filled with all kinds of negative thoughts, my knees were aching, the markers were written in KM not Miles which I cannot stand. Everything could have been better. I know none of those are huge issues and the fact i'd rather count to six (miles), than ten (kilometres) is just just me being pernickety, and had a been in a better headspace wouldn't have given a fuck.

I finished, I set out and finished what I had aimed to do, and got a PB out of it! Even though I was dreaming of it being over while it was happening, I don't regret doing it for a minute. My mother was right, because even if was only temporary it lifted my mood like you cannot imagine, I was elated, happy, proud of myself, and more confident than I had felt in a long time! It was so uplifting having everyone shouting my name, being so supportive and impressed! There were even some other girls shouting 'you're amazing, I wish I had the confidence to do what you're doing!'. Of course, they had no idea how under-confident I was feeling at the time, and how much of a boost it gave me. By the end of it all, after such a positive reaction it was like my nerves had evaporated with my sweat, and was replaced with confidence! So much so that I was walking round Green Park in my underwear!... and even if it was only for a few short hours following, it felt great!

I'm not sure why I am feeling like this at the moment, and i'm working on what the bloody hell is going on in my head but before I sign off and stop rambling I thought I would say thank you, to Bryony Gordon and all the other incredible women running that day because it took my mind elsewhere and made me smile, even if it was just for a day or two, it made me feel part of a community and that even though it felt like I was the only one going through something that day, I know for a fact I was not alone. Countless people around me had some kind of issues, whether that was mental health, anxiety, eating disorders or body confidence... for that one day, we were the same, we were a team supporting one another no matter how fast or slow we finished that race and I will always think of it fondly. I cannot wait to be back running in my underwear next year, hopefully in a better, happier headspace, ready to do it all over again!

Lots of Love x