IMPOSTER SYNDROME

Hello gorgeous people, I am back after a whole month - I know you missed my ridiculous blogs didn't you?! I've been incredibly busy over the last few weeks, lying on a boat in Croatia and partying too hard a the polo, but most importantly!... I'VE STARTED A NEW JOB! - another one I hear you say, yes this is indeed my third of the year but as the saying goes, third time bloody lucky!!!

Anyway, I thought as I have started a new job and had a few work related nightmares over the past 12 months that it would be all too fitting to write this weeks post, on Imposter Syndrome. So enjoy and here we go!

Imposter Syndrome.

Definition noun: imposter syndrome

'the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.'

Imposter syndrome is something I think almost everyone experiences to a certain extent at some point in their life, but in recent years it has become even more prominent for me, and I assume other people my age too. After I finished my secretarial course and I was thrown into the big wide world, I moved to London and began my search for the 'dream job', HA bloody HA.

I would say i've always been a bit 'middle of the road' when it comes to academia, i'm relatively bright - emphasis on the relatively, and have always excelled more face to face than on paper. This bodes well for me when it comes to getting a job, but keeping it, is slightly harder.

The first day of a new job is one of the scarier things in life anyone will ever have to go through (at least I think it is!), starting three new jobs in a year means I should've become pretty good at it, but I still find it a very nerve-wracking experience or if I were being my dramatic self - totally and utterly and completely fucking terrifying! I literally cry for about a week before, I somehow convince myself I will come across like an absolute tit, that I will do something mortifyingly embarrassing on my first day like fall down a flight of stairs, or worst of all - they will find out I am a total fraud who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing!

I have a way with words when I want to, and the ability to charm and bullshit my way through pretty much any topic or conversation, other than politics but that's a whole other matter. This means even if i'm totally clueless inside, I get through it with my overly confident 'oh yah, diary management and outlook - huge responsibility, detailed calendar management and extremely proficient in excel, oh liaising with clients, of course, alllll the time...' blah blah blah - anyway you see my point. Now i'm not saying everything or even anything I say is a lie, because I actually am very good with outlook and excel, and I do have quite a lot of experience talking and interacting with clients but I think I have a tendency to oversell myself. This inevitably means, when I get offered the job I have automatically set other people's expectations of me too high! I know i'm great, but i'm not a bloody angel!

So I have recently taken quite a large step up in the admin career world, going from a receptionist to an actual Personal Assistant. I know this probably doesn't sound like a huge leap, I just can't help but think I'm really not prepared for a role with such responsibility. I mean it's hard enough organising my own life, let alone five other peoples too! I've convinced myself I am totally under qualified even though I am in fact very qualified - with an Executive Assistant Diploma (oooh...check me out).

In my previous job my responsibilities were sub zero... literally, so I suddenly feel this element of pressure because I now have five directors relying on me to help them with anything and everything. I have learnt more in the last month than I have in the last year, it has been rather scary and a lot of silly questions asked but I finally feel like i've found my feet. When I walk into the office I feel happy and calm and as pathetic as it sounds... at home.

You're probably all thinking, Tabby get over yourself everyone starts a new job and has no idea what they're doing, and yes, to an extent I agree, but my career didn't get off to a great start and I think that's slightly knocked my confidence and has given me this dreaded imposter syndrome. I was fired from my first job after six weeks, no one ever really told me why, so since then I often find myself sitting at my desk or leaving for work in the morning and freaking out every now and again even when I have to do the simplest task. I actually know I am hugely capable and have no problem telling other people I am, but when it comes to actually believing in myself, I have very little faith in my own ability and constantly doubt myself.

Although all I have previously said of my own self-doubt is true, I have finally realised how counterproductive all these negative thoughts can be - what am I going to achieve if I doubt my every move? NOTHING. What am I going to achieve if I push myself and believe in my own choices? EVERYTHING!

The possibilities are limitless.

So, a shorter post than usual (you're welcome), and I will leave you with my favourite quote of the month and my own advice on starting a career.

Trust your judgements, if something is not right change it because no one knows you better than yourself. If you don't ask for something you are not going to get it. Have faith in your ability and just remember - they hired you for a reason, embrace it and accept it! There is nothing worse than not going with your instincts and making decisions. If you are unhappy in your job, regardless of what people say it will look like on your CV, get the fuck outta there! Troll through thousands of boring job postings on LinkedIn and start making changes, I did and I couldn't be happier!

I'll leave you with my final, rather cheesy but incredibly relevant quote, which I now have stuck to my computer at work.

'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference'.

Lots of Love

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