RELATIONSHIPS IN A PANDEMIC

I've been thinking for a number of weeks what my next blog post topic was going to be, and after toying with the idea of writing about panic attacks sparked by my most recent episode two weeks ago, I thought the world had perhaps had far too much negativity recently and that maybe something slightly more light-hearted would be better suited... so here you have 'relationships during a pandemic'!

During this strange and uncertain time we are currently living in, all our relationships are going to come under some amount of strain. Whether that is with your boyfriend/girlfriend, friends or family. We have all had to adapt without a huge amount of warning and learn a new way of living and a new way of keeping in contact with the people we love. Something like this is never going to be easy. Human contact has been banned in most forms, and for a lot of people, particularly myself this is something I need on a day to day basis. The way I express myself, be it with family or loved ones or friends is mainly through physical contact and not through spoken word - you'd think having a blog would mean I'm great at expressing emotions verbally but in basic terms, I'm needy and need cuddles.

I am currently on lockdown with my family; my wonderful parents, two rather mad brothers, a cat and a delinquent dog. We are incredibly fortunate to have the space where we don't feel like we are living on top of each other, we have the luxury of the South Downs right on our doorstep and a beautiful garden we are unlimited to roam free in. Having said all this, I can almost guarantee there will be some rather hilarious catastrophic family arguments. Aside from the negative I think we, and most other families, will learn how to live with one another and learn to appreciate each other more than ever before. We have not been a family of five living under the same roof for almost ten years having always been at boarding school or university, only coming together as a family when we are on holiday or for special occasions where we would make the most of the short time we had together so regardless, this is going to be a test.

It has been less than a week and I already miss my friends and my housemates but I've realised there is no way to get through this and be totally content. If I were on lockdown with my best friends I would miss my family, and visa versa. We are all collectively having to learn how to keep in contact with all our loved ones through means of social media - joy! I think this will be a lesson to all of us and show us who in our lives are really important, who makes the effort to stay in touch, and who keeps you going each day throughout this period.

I've been thinking more and more each day what is going to happen to the romantic relationships during all of this. As most of you know from my most recent post, I have recently started dating someone. It's all still very new and although eight weeks may seem and feel like a bloody lifetime, at least to me, it is in fact a very short time. Don't get me wrong this guy is amazing, but realistically I don't know him from a bar of soap! No joke - I've probably had tins of chopped tomatoes in my cupboard longer than we've been dating! Anyway, tinned tomatoes and soap aside... I can't help but feel slightly doubtful that in light of the recent events my not-yet-relationship is still so new it's not going to have the strength to survive during what could potentially be a three month lockdown. How is anyone supposed to keep the fire and momentum going on a brand new relationship when you can't go out and date, let alone physically see them? I'm hoping it will not break whatever this relationship is, but actually be the making of it.

I know as usual you're probably thinking, why does she always have to be so over the top?! But seriously... how would you feel if you'd finally met someone who (at least for now) makes you happy and then a virus of all things comes along and sends the world into a pandemic, resulting in a lockdown, meaning I can no longer physically see said man! I come on! I'm used to my relationships ending for a whole hosts of reasons but a global crisis... not something I ever thought I'd have to navigate my way through! Don't get me wrong there are thousands of more pressing issues currently going on in the world than my love life and I am more grateful for my health, friends, family and most of all the NHS than ever, but allow me five minutes in a blog post to be mildly selfish about my over dramatic emotions!

I have spoken to a number of friends and people in similar situations and they appear to feel a similar way to me. In terms of dating, the hardest thing people are finding is the restriction of physical intimacy, and no I don't mean just sex which obviously everyone would miss as it's clearly very important in both new and old relationships, but just to be able to hold hands or kiss a loved one and having that physical connection is something we all take for granted. FaceTime and phone calls seem to be the way forward for everyone, we may not be able to physically touch or see someone, but knowing there is someone on the other end of the phone is the only thing that is going to keep us all going and enable us to get through this together.

The positive people in the world have said they think it's actually rather exciting and the anticipation of not knowing when they will next see each other is what is keeping the spark alive, this I think is an incredible and healthy way to think of it, but sadly I think I'm far too soppy to have this kind of outlook. Interestingly and rather unsurprisingly (I found this rather comical), I realised that all the stories and comments I received were from women. I don't think men in general really think that far ahead and probably haven't had a single thought about what will happen with their relationships during this time. Maybe I'm wrong but that's the impression I get from my experience. As a general rule, myself and most women are so much more emotional and the thought of not being able to see or kiss or hug that special person or people in their life is really difficult. The hopeless romantic in me would love nothing more than to be quarantined with the man I am dating but the rational side of me knows it's way too soon and mildly ridiculous! I also know the outcome would most likely be worse if we were living on top of each other than it would be not seeing each other at all... and besides, apparently absence makes the heart grow fonder!

I'm incredibly jealous of the happy couples who are stuck together and loving it, making the most of the time they now get to spend together and have worked out a way of living that keeps all bickering to a minimum. I know it's not like that for everyone and it's never going to be easy! Some of the stories I've been told, including having to alternate nights in the kitchen and banning the other from commenting to prevent argument are all rather entertaining but also necessary to keep your relationship afloat during this time.

I think neither way is better than the other, if you're stuck with them you argue and if you're not you miss them. Both put an element of strain on all relationships but I guess we have to remember to be grateful we are all safe and as many have said... we are in this together and it's not forever.

There's a really sad possible reality about this lockdown. Friends will drift, relationships will end and families will argue but what we will learn is the ones who do drift or disappear were just not meant to be, and the ones which do get through this will be stronger and closer as a result. I feel positive that whatever the outcome of my romantic status, I will always have my family who make me happier than anything and are better than any man on the planet. I will always have my group of friends who will continue to support me and look after me through this, and I hope to god I will be that person for them too. Although there has been a huge amount of negativity and sadness during this time, I have found more kindness beginning to occur each day. I have amazing friends who have stayed in touch, I have an incredible support system at home and a job that has provided me with both security and love and I want to thank every single person in my life for all of these things as I know some people have not been so fortunate.

People are learning to adapt and change, work together, support one another and collectively realise what the important things in life really are, and that in itself I think is utterly beautiful.

Stay safe and well and look after yourself and loved ones.

Lots of Love x