RELATIONSHIPS IN A PANDEMIC PART II

So here we are again! You may be wondering why I'm writing about relationships during a pandemic again, or perhaps thinking I've clearly run out of other topics to write about so I've gone full circle. Let's be honest there is only so much new inspiration one can get when locked up inside for six weeks. I frequently sit at breakfast asking my family what next week's blog should be on, the answer I usually receive is a rather unhelpful, 'talk about your addiction to Diet Coke'. Great thanks Lando!... maybe not.

Moving swiftly on, I figured that as the first 'relationships in a pandemic' blog post came at the start of lockdown, our relationships, romances and family dynamics may have altered slightly over the last six weeks, and I'm not sure about you, but this definitely rings true for me. I thought it also necessary to update my wonderful readers, and attempt to stop the awkward, albeit lovely messages I get saying, 'Oh my god, Tab I read your blog! You have to tell me all about this amazing guy you're dating!', as I know you're all dying to get the latest gossip of my lockdown love story!

Whether you remember or not, one of my biggest concerns during this lockdown was the romantic relationships during this time, particularly mine. I had been dating a lovely man for a few months but wasn't too sure it had the legs to survive the pandemic. It was too soon to fully commit to one another or isolate together, but too much of a 'thing' to just forget about each other and let it fizzle out. The answer you all keenly await, is that it did indeed fail and as it turns out, didn't have any sort of limbs to survive a simple sick bug, let alone a pandemic.

We ended for a multitude of reasons, partly due to self sabotage which I like to do about three months into all my relationships when I back away to protect myself from feeling anything other than lust, and partly because neither of us were ready to commit to each other anytime soon and I needed all in, or all out. I kept kidding myself thinking and hoping he really was 'Mr Right' when in fact he was always going to be 'Mr Wrong'. Yes this means I fall into the category of 'lockdown ruined my relationship' because had this pandemic not happened I know we would have carried on happily making each other unhappy for another few months at least. I'm not going to go into too much detail as to why it was never right because on the off chance he is reading this I'm sure he won't want our 'relationship' issues published to all you lovely readers, but I know he would agree with me either way. He may not have been my 'Mr Right' but I'm sure he will be for someone else.

The first two weeks after we ended I found really hard. I felt confused about my emotions, whether we made the right decision and whether it was him I really missed or having that connection and conversation with someone everyday that I missed. One month later I realise it was of course the latter, as the rational me knows we were right to end it. Going through any sort of breakup no matter how big or small during lockdown, although difficult, is possibly one of the best times you can go through it. Yes we have endless hours in the day alone at the moment to sit and wallow in our pity, and being unable to drink away your sorrows with your best friends in the pub, but it also means we have all the time in the world to really think about it, reflect, move on, and spend more time loving ourselves not someone else.

Virtual dating is at an all time high, and while I cannot imagine myself on a FaceTime or Zoom first date it is something many of my friends have been enjoying! Don't get me wrong, I see the fun side to it - chatting away to someone not in your immediate household and allowing a little more excitement in your day to flirt and drink your way through an evening, but I cannot get my head round the idea of getting pissed with someone on a screen, only to then be left drunk and alone on your sofa surrounded by your sober family... strange! Having spoken to some of my friends it is of course an incredibly difficult time to be away from your loved ones, either missing them and having to create a relationship based around technology without any form of intimacy, or the latter of wanting to kill your partner because you can't get any space away from them!

Moving off my love life and onto other peoples, as said by a very good friend of mine, 'Quarantine does crazy things to us singletons'. The level of neediness I and I'm sure others have felt during this time has increased ten-fold and you feel a heightened sense of passion, emotion and loneliness. For us singletons, being alone during quarantine is much harder than usual, yearning for someone to text you, to want you and to cuddle you without being able to suppress it or distract yourself and get on with your life as we normally would. Quarantine makes a single girl's brain do some crazy things, it's so easy to trick yourself into thinking you feel so strongly for someone who you've only known for a few weeks and feeling as though you're ready to move in and isolate with them when you've only just learnt their surname! I see the perks... passes time, and sex on tap! (another quote from my wonderful friend) What more could you want?! I totally understand this way of thinking, as quarantine has made us feel needy and alone so we grab onto any kind of affection we can.

As a special addition this friend has kindly agreed to let me use her story as an example of 'lockdown love, gone wrong' this week, and trust me it's a good one. After a successful virtual date with a new man from Hinge and talking constantly during lockdown, including the contemplation of house-hopping to isolate together, came radio silence from this mystery man. Later that night, she realised he had blocked her on WhatsApp. Now, as any girl would, she messaged him on Instagram asking for an explanation, only to receive a response saying, 'he'd gone for a bike ride, bumped into his ex, and asked her if she wanted to move in for lockdown'. It later came out that he had panicked at the thought of her name flashing up on his phone whilst the no longer ex-girlfriend moved in, so in a state of panic blocked her! Talk about appalling behaviour not to mention bizarre, and I guess it's not just the single women yearning for lockdown love and acting slightly out of character, but single men too!

The number of relationships that have failed, fizzled and flopped is ever increasing, with a lot of people, and not to sound to misandristic, but particularly men not feeling like it's worth holding onto when you can't physically see each other... I mean god it's not like conversation is important at all, obviously sex is the only decent thing in relationships! Duh! Ok, sarcasm and massive generalisations aside, these hypothetical men have a point. It's incredibly hard to keep a very new relationship going when you can't act on the physical lust like a normal couple would and there's only so many mind numbingly boring conversations you can have about doing absolutely fucking nothing all day everyday! As I said this is a massive generalisation and there are the lucky few, but I don't think anyone should feel as though they have failed at love if their relationship hasn't worked out as a result of the lockdown. It's bloody hard work keeping relationships alive when you do get to see each other, let alone having to virtually date and not spend any physical time together. On the flip side, there are also relationships which have blossomed so beautifully during this. Learning to connect verbally rather than physically for some has created incredible connections with one another that was previously overlooked, while others fall deeper in love after realising how much they have missed and need that special someone after not being able to see them everyday.

It's a very personal topic to discuss as each individual and couple are different but what I have taken from this and what I believe, is there is a reason why each relationship ultimately fails or succeeds during this time. I like to think everything happens for a reason and my 'breakup' was much better off happening now than dragging it out and it inevitably happening a few months down the line.

There is of course going to be an element of strain on all relationships at the moment, and while my romantic relationship may have failed, my other relationships with both friends and family seem to have grown stronger and we have become closer as a result. Yes there may have been a number of family arguments but ultimately I feel incredibly lucky to be part of a family who for almost every hour of the day make me laugh, keep me entertained and make me happy. As I said in a previous post, I don't think we should be taking this time for granted. Although the current climate we are living in is incredibly sad, when was the last time we got to spend so much uninterrupted time with our loved ones? We are all so busy with our day to day lives that we sometimes forget what is most important. It may be different for you, but to me the most important thing is family, friendships and love of every kind and for that I am grateful I have such wonderful people in my life.

When it comes to keeping in touch with those we are not quarantined with, it is of course much harder. Having to make a conscious effort to stay in contact and check in on everyone you care about. Honestly, I have really struggled with the constant Zoom Quizzes, FaceTime chats and House Party calls, because believe it or not I'm useless with my phone and frequently forget to reply to people for weeks on end, but it really has made a world of difference and kept my friendships alive. There is something so strange about organising calls with friends at the moment that makes me feel a bit sick with anxiety. I'm not sure why because it's not like I have anything else hugely important to be doing. Before every call I feel nervous and sick as though I'm going for a job interview and it's not my best friend I'm about to speak to, but of course I feel a thousand times happier and better after I have caught up with them because they're the people that make my world go round! Talk about irrational anxiety!

This time away from the busy world has made me realise who I really need in my life, who makes the effort to keep in touch and who my real friends are, and although I may be useless at replying sometimes, I hope my friends know how much I love and need them and hope they feel the same way about me. I have never been so excited in my life to get back to the pub and be with my friends and hug them, dance with them and get drunk with them, but I think this time has been very special for us all to reflect on who those important people in our lives really are.

Although my relationships have changed significantly during this time and I have lost someone who, for the first three months of this year made me very happy, I feel proud of myself and the steps I have taken to not let it get the better of me or feel upset about what I have lost. I feel strong and proactive at making the changes in myself I want to see, to make myself a better person, and come out of this lockdown feeling more independent and happier than ever.

To my wonderful friends, I miss you, I love you and I cannot wait to see you!

Lots of love x