THE LONDON MARATHON 2019

On Sunday 28 April, I RAN THE LONDON MARATHON! I'm sure most of you are probably thinking, 'shut up, we get it, you've shared it on Facebook and Instagram enough bloody times!' I promise I'll stop soon but I'm still over the moon and INCREDIBLY proud of myself so will continue to talk about it for a while...

In the week leading up to the marathon I was a barrel of nerves, waking up on Thursday morning only to burst into tears in front of my boss at work, and hyperventilating down the phone to my mother. I was in this nervous state all day until someone told the most useful thing that stuck with me all the way to the finish line.

'You have nothing to worry about, the marathon is your victory lap, so enjoy it, all the hard work has been done in training'

This was the best piece of advice I have ever been given because come Friday morning the tears and nerves had been turned into complete and utter excitement! I woke up at 5.45am on Sunday morning determined to smash it! Ten minutes of meditation done to calm my nerves, I showered, got dressed, had breakfast, did my hair and makeup (don't judge) and made my way to Greenwich. I met the most incredible woman on my journey to the start line and we stayed together until we had to go and meet our respective charities for the group photos. She was so inspiring and kind, she was a nurse on a children's cancer ward and a two-time marathon runner, and she managed to keep me smiling all morning. I wish I could have met her afterwards and thanked her because she was amazing.

I realised I hadn't been as optimistic as I had hoped when I applied a year ago, as I had put myself in the 4hr30 - 4hr50 finishing category. I knew I wanted to finish within four and a half hours, so I made my way to the front of my group so I didn't have to push through and overtake thousands of people once I had started. Standing waiting like a bunch of cattle watching each group go off on the big screens my nerves kicked in, but all I could think about was that quote. I was determined to stay positive, stay happy and most of all enjoy it. The start gun went and I very quickly settled into a comfortable pace. Mile one had passed, then two, then five and I was loving it. I was so mesmerized by all the other runners, the crowds, the scenery (I have never been that far south or east in my life!) that I felt I had hardly been running by the time I reached the 10K mark. I was focusing on getting to Mile 11 as I knew that's where my family would be! Re-fueling on Gels, Lucozade Jelly Jeans and water every 45 minutes made the time go quickly until I found myself overtaking many runners, and reaching the 4 hour 15 minute pacers! They stayed in my view for the entire race, I made sure of it.

Running past my family was amazing and seeing their smiling proud faces with the big banner my 'DIY dad' had made, gave me such a boost to keep going! I couldn't believe how easy it was feeling! My legs felt great, I felt light as air and my breathing was calm and perfect. So on I plodded to the halfway point over tower bridge, I knew my two best friends from prep school were going to be around there but as a ran over the bridge I saw SEVEN of them! All with t-shirts saying 'G O T A B B Y!' and a big silver 'T' balloon! I was so surprised and happy and nearly burst into tears. My incredible best friend had organised all my other best friends to come and watch me and I had no idea! I carried on as I didn't want to mess up my breathing or pace and if I had stopped to see them I would have been a blubbering mess! It then hit me at mile 14 that I was only just half way and still had a fuck of a long way to go, not helped by the fact the super speedy runners were coming back in the opposite direction around the 22 mile mark (I mean wtf, that's very fast). I was determined to get rid of any negative thoughts so quickly pushed through listening to my favourite podcast to get me round the dreaded docklands. It worked a treat and apart from the few unexpected hills (really unnecessary but not as bad as I had thought!) I felt great!

Mile 18 became really really hard. I wouldn't say I 'hit the wall', but in training I had struggled with tummy pains and I was really hoping it wouldn't be an issue on marathon day. Running for a long period of time often makes me feel really sick from the constant movement and up until mile 18, I was fine. I decided not to stop because I knew it would be worse trying to start running again if I had. So I drank some water, had an extra handful of Jelly Beans and the sharp aches and pains in my stomach subsided as I reached Mile 19. During this time I saw my amazing family again who said I looked relatively unhappy but still going strong, then about 50 metres after this I saw my gorgeous best friend Bella! She was whooping and cheering sitting above me on a ledge. I knew any pain I was suffering was only temporary and knew roughly, I was on for a great finishing time. This gave me the motivation to keep going, made even better by seeing the smiling cheering faces of my housemates just after this! I blew them a kiss, waved them off and on I went until I reached 20 Miles!

At this point I had been running for about 3 and a half hours, all I had left was a 10K - less than an hour of running to go. I knew I could do it. My knees, hips and toes started to really hurt, and a patch of skin on my inner arm was bleeding and rubbing against my charity vest, but I knew it was nothing serious, no injuries, just exhaustion and a lot of time spent on my feet! At about mile 22 I had a massive burst of energy, i'm not sure if it was because all the gels and jelly beans had kicked in or because I suddenly realised how close I was to finishing and how I almost didn't want it to end, but I felt like sonic the bloody hedgehog! On I went and ran past Ollie and Bertie at mile 23 which was amazing! They really gave me the final push, I had three miles to go, so with a BIG smile on my face kept going.

Counting down each mile I reached 25 miles, then came the final countdown, 800 metres... This was a big one for me, I laughed and smiled at myself thinking about how far I had come not only on that day, but over the last few months. Only 800 metres to go, two laps of an athletics track, a distance I could not run at all back in my school days thanks to resembling a big round blob for most of my childhood, and being a lazy sod! Then came 600 metres, then 400, then 385 yards... As I rounded the final corner and ran down The Mall towards the finish, I was beaming! I actually didn't want it to end! I put my arms up in delight (someone told me to do that - apparently you get a good picture?), and ran across the finish line! It actually makes me want to cry every time I think about those last few miles, not in a sad crying way, but in a delighted, exhausted, overwhelmed, happy way! I have never enjoyed anything more in my life and I cannot wait for the next one (i'm not joking)!

I crossed the finish line at a time of 4 hours and 17 minutes, which I am incredibly proud of! As I ran over the line I burst into floods of tears. I had finished!

I am ridiculously determined, I had one task, and I did it. I refused to stop, not even to see friends and family, I stayed focused, I ran even time splits throughout the entire duration and never ever gave up, and whatsmore had the best day of my life!

Right so you're probably thinking, ok enough now, Instagram done, Facebook posts shared, blog post written... now you can stop talking about it. I will, I promise, but very few people other than myself knows how much training, time, mental motivation, effort, tears and tantrums went into me crossing that finish line. Yes I trained hard for four months solid in the lead up, but really, I have been training for it mentally and physically for the last three years.

All I initially wanted to do was change the way people thought of me. I know that sounds ridiculous and I shouldn't care about how other people saw me, but only how I saw myself, and that is true and my god has my opinion of myself changed over the last few years. But, having been formerly known as the chubby, noisy, lazy girl, and was once laughed at by a number of friends when I announced I was going to run a marathon, I had a point to prove. I don't care what people think of me anymore, I know myself, and although some may still view me that way, I know i'm not and that's enough for me.

This marathon was for me, to celebrate my journey and how far I had come, but it was also for my brother and my family. Together we raised £3,500 for JDRF which in itself is incredible, and I thank all of you wonderful people who sponsored me for that.

Me, Tabby Bell, the problematic, overweight, seriously troubled former fat girl, had just completed The London Marathon 2019, and I could not be more proud of myself.

GO ME! x