VERBAL ABUSE - CATCALLING AND WOLF-WHISTLING

So this week's blog is on a rather infuriating yet fascinating topic, catcalling. I am going to try and keep it as diplomatic as possible, but bear with me a bit if I start off on a tangent or a rant! I suppose I have to be relatively careful what I say and how I say it as a friend of mine did mention that by discussing this it could come across rather self-righteous and wanky. Let me be clear before we start, this post is not me telling all of you how attractive and fit I think it am just because occasionally other people say it!

Ok, so i'm glad we've got that cleared up now. Catcalling has been around for centuries, starting of course with a rather innocent two-tone whistle, commonly known as the wolf whistle. All those those years ago it was just one of many ways for a man to get a female's attention. I suppose it was almost seen as a compliment then, as it was less 'in your face', more seen as a romantic gesture of sorts and generally men had slightly more class. But what has changed so much in the last few decades which no longer makes it endearing, or sweet, or just childish flirting? My guess, it's gone from a simple whistle to an endless stream of phrases and sentences which have over time become more inappropriate and vulgar.

Every morning at 6.10am, I leave my house and walk 40 minutes over the bridge to my gym, and without fail, every morning, my peaceful uninterrupted alone time is interrupted by at least one, if not more men stopping their cars, beeping their horns, waving and blowing me a kiss or shouting something completely fucking unnecessary at me. Of course as most people would on their way to the gym, I am wearing gym clothes. For me, that consists of a very tight pair of high waisted leggings, a sports bra, and usually a white t-shirt tied in a knot around my waist. Everything is quite tight and quite figure hugging and I almost always have a very small section of my midriff on show. So some would say perhaps I was asking for it?

Now, feminism is not something I have ever been particularly good at, I really am a poor excuse for a woman. I spend more time talking about why a man holding a door open and paying on a first date is important, than why having equal gender pay is important, not to mention completely necessary. You may think this makes me a bad person, but I like to call myself traditional (If i'm starting to piss you off, this is why I haven't written a whole post on feminism!). Anyway, my slightly wonky judgement aside, one thing I feel incredibly strongly about is a women's right to wear what the bloody hell she likes. What a women chooses to wear or look like categorically DOES NOT mean she has to circum to a wrath of testosterone fuelled men firing comments at her.

So here are just a few of my own experiences of being ridiculed, mildly harassed and catcalled.

Scenario A: Driving down the M4 into London, it was a beautiful sunny morning, I had the windows down smoking cigarette, white t-shirt and gym leggings on (as always), no makeup, and my hair tied in a very tight pony tail which made me look like an egg - so hardly looking my best! As I hit London traffic I joined the back of a very long queue, three lanes merging into two. A silver people carrier filled with seven men who can't have been much older than 30 pulled up beside me. The next thing I knew, they had rolled all the windows down, they were not wearing tops, and one of the blokes hung out the window and said 'excuse me, my mate thinks you're fit, can he have your number?'. I didn't really know what to say so I laughed, shook my head, and went back to minding my own business listening to the radio. The problem here is I was stuck in a traffic jam, so other than putting my window up, I couldn't really escape them. For the next 20 minutes I had, 'where are you going', 'follow us', 'what's your name', 'you're buff' etc etc etc. This instance was actually relatively entertaining as they were completely harmless and I was in my safety shield Mini, but why people think it is necessary, I will never know. It also mind boggles me that they have the guts to do it, like they think I would actually give them my number, or drive off into the hypothetical sunset with them! I mean really!

Scenario B: Walking over Battersea Bridge, three vans in a row, one rolls the window down and shouts to his friends, 'christ look at that ass', then next van beeps his horn and yells 'morning gorgeous', and the third quite literally slowed almost to a stop and started chatting to me, 'oh you alright babe, where you off to this morning, do you need a lift? I could help you if you want'. All I want to do it turn around and say FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!, but all I can do it politely turn to him, smile, and say 'thank you, but no thank you', and off he goes blowing me a kiss as he drives away.

Scenario C: Sitting at my desk at work, as front of house I sit in what can only be described as a giant green house made completely of glass. I can't say it's particularly pleasant, freezing cold in winter and boiling hot in the summer, but what it does mean is I have the most perfect view for people watching. I sit at my desk daydreaming, watching the world go by, judging, analysing and observing passers by and delivery drivers. Until one day I am sitting looking outside and a Sainsburys delivery driver pulls up in front of me, he has his window down, leans out, mouths something I can't quite make out, and blows me a kiss and winks. I mean SERIOUSLY! I was so shocked someone would do that whilst they were at work, I didn't really know how to react! A few people from my work noticed this bizarre exchange and mentioned it to me, I mean it was just by chance I caught his eye at that time, but he was the final reason behind writing this blog post.

I'm not going to continue with my anecdotes as they are all incredibly similar and they will end up boring you to tears, but do you get my point? It happens all the time, walking to the shop, when i'm out on a run all gross and sweaty, crossing the road, or even driving. The incidents I have shared here are actually very minor harmless ones, they don't scare me, they don't make me nervous, and they don't really make any kind of dent in my day or life whatsoever, they're just fucking endless and unnecessary! Insignificant small minded men with very small willies (probably)! The majority of my experiences have happened in broad daylight, but what happens if you are alone, at night, in the pitch black on a very quiet street. Suddenly, it becomes quite scary. There is such a fine line when it comes to a women's reaction, polite, but not too forward to give them the wrong impression, firm, but not too rude to make them aggressive. As women we are stereotypically the more vulnerable gender so if we step a slight foot out of line, or respond in a more forceful way than intended, the consequences can become more severe. How are we to know the temperament of a man yelling comments at us? Rarely, but possibly, he could just be trying to be nice and brighten your day, but more often than not I can't help but think it has to take a certain breed of man to spend half your day shouting out of windows at young women.

From speaking to friends, other people online, and from my own personal experience, I have noticed a few trends about how, when and why such incidents happen, and I believe there appears to be a bit of a pattern. Firstly, we are targeted when we are at our most vulnerable. It is always when you are walking alone when there are slightly less people around that a mildly dirty or inappropriate comment is thrown at you. No one wants to be alone when something like this happens, but it can make women feel like they can't talk about it and discuss it, especially if it has become so constant and invasive it starts to really effect and torment them. Even as my friend said, be careful how you discuss this topic - it has the ability to make you sound like you are showing off or being dramatic. I don't think I realised how true this was for the hundreds of other women who will perhaps be told they are lying, or exaggerating until I really thought about it on a bigger scale. Catcalling is a form of assault, a verbal one I will give you, but an assault none the less and sadly it is only a very small step away from potentially leading to a physical or sexual assault if it were to get that bad. I have also noticed men will frequently do it when they are in vehicle and you are not, meaning they are wet, pathetic, cowards and can drive off before you've even noticed where the strange voice came from. And my last observation is, when men are in the presence of other women who they know, they pretend to act like gentlemen and would never ever make a condescending offensive comment. Interesting.

Just a quick note - It may come across like I believe all men are like this, but this could not be further from the truth. I adore men and have the most incredible relationship with my Father, both my siblings and a lot of my best friends who are men. They are all kind, funny, considerate and behave like complete gentlemen, and I am lucky to have them in my life. Sadly, not all men are like this though.

I am just one of many women who have to deal with these issues everyday, some friends I have spoken to have had experiences much like my own, conversely I have other friends who say this has never happened to them. This. Is. Not. True. I can guarantee every single woman on the planet has had a man make an inappropriate comment or been glanced at in a predatory way, some women just do not notice it. I am acutely aware of my surroundings, so I think I almost look out for it now while others perhaps are completely unaware. If I watched some of my oblivious friends walk home, I could show them at least three occasions where someone had given them a second glance and looked them up and down, or purposely slowed down to watch them, or lent over to their friend to point them out. Maybe it's better to live in ignorant bliss, but sadly I think I'm slightly too far gone for that one. The problem we are faced with, is how do we stop it from happening? The sad truth, is I don't think we can! As I mentioned earlier, there is too much potential risk for a women to stand up and fight back without knowing what the repercussions could be. So I suppose we are expected to sit back and wait for it to happen again and again. Any ideas? If so, please let me know!

I have some seriously good looking, beautiful friends, one of which has such low self-esteem when I told her about what happens on my morning walks her response was 'well at least people find you attractive, I don't even get a fucking bloke in a van talking to me let alone anyone else'. This made me really sad because firstly, said friend is gorgeous and should not need the approval of a man to feel attractive, secondly, her statement was not true - i've seen it happen to her, and thirdly, a man catcalling you should not be seen as a compliment (unless they are very very charming), a confidence boost or create jealousy between friends.

Going back to my earlier point of 'perhaps I am asking for it?', Sometimes I really have to think, am I? Do I subconsciously seek dodgy men making eye contact with me - god I hope not! Do I wear tight gym leggings in order to wait for a reaction? - I don't think so? Do I tie my t shirt in a knot to make it cropped so I look more curvy and feminine? Probably. I may do these things, but I do them for me. I like tying my t shirt because it gives me more of a waist and makes me feel more confident, I love wearing tight gym leggings because they are super comfy, and make my bum look good and makes me feel... again, confident! Is there anything wrong with what I just said? NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Not just me, but every other woman has complete free reign over what goes on her body and I would presume if I wore a bin bag to the gym I wouldn't get a second look, but something I do question, and I think I believe this more and more everyday, is it is about CONFIDENCE, not just the specific items of clothing on your body.

Have I lost you yet? i'm nearly done, I promise, just hear me out.

My theory is, the way a woman holds themself, is potentially part of the reason why you get given this attention or you don't. Obviously, my theory is slightly flawed and from personal experience not factual, but I am convinced it is true. I have watched myself get more and more confident in the last 18 months or so, and by this I mean, BODY CONFIDENT! When I walk down the street, without meaning to, I look like a right bloody diva! Headphones in - always, sunglasses on, and a serious resting bitch face. I apparently also have a slightly sassy strutt when i'm on my own! I hold my head high and I think at times, I give off a certain aura, but on the days when I haven't slept, or i'm miserable and sad, my whole demeanor and look changes, and suddenly the number of men yelling at me drops significantly.

You can agree to disagree with me, because the type of men who are catcalling and yelling things at you are not doing it because they love your eyes, or think you have great bone structure, or because you look like you have a lovely personality, they are doing it because as women generally, we have an ass and a pair of tits. I realise my theory cannot be the sole reason, if that were the case it would be simple enough for women to collectively change the way they behaved and it would stop all together, but it's been quite an interesting mini experiment I have put myself through over the last month. Please don't take my ridiculous theory to mean each women is to blame for the ridiculing and verbal abuse they recieve, because it is not. Some men are just programmed to react in a certain way when they see a women. It is not funny, it is not clever, it is not attractive, and it is certainly not something anyone should have to deal with.

After doing some research it really confirmed I was not alone in this, a pole was taken for an article in a newspaper in Sydney and the figures were actually quite shocking.

61% of women reported being the target of sexually suggestive comments every day or often by strangers in public places.

80% of harassed women said their street harassment encounters occurred between the ages of 13 and 25.

43% of female runners said they always, often or sometimes received unsolicited sexual attention or sexual remarks from strangers during runs.

If these figures do not show that something needs to change in order to stop this then I don't know what will! Although this particular investigation was based in Sydney, The UK and other countries statistics are very similar if not even higher!

So rant/discussion over, I would be really interested to hear if anyone reading this has any of their own stories or inputs on this topic. It is something I feel surprisingly passionate about considering how useless I generally am with female empowerment and all that, but it something I would really like to learn more about and hopefully, at some point, come up with a solution to end it.

Lots of Love x

https://marquettewire.org/3982753/news/catcalling-targets-females-college-age-students/